So yesterday I was asked to edit a letter or something at the church for someone, and I just decided to rewrite it. It got me thinking about how much i enjoy writing, regardless of what it's about. I was talking to your mom about it, and she told me that i ought to write to you more often. I was thinking about why I haven't written you that often and i think its because I feel this pressure to have some grandiose deep truth to reveal to you or something in these letters, which i simply don't have all that often, especially in this season of life. In my ideal world, i have at least one night per week to sit and stare up at the stars, laying on a blanket, contemplating the deeper things of the universe and of God, the stuff beyond diapers and homework and counseling and sermons and such. But after a while I realized that while our culture values the grandiose gestures and the big shiny stuff of life, its the day to day consistency that is truly precious. I think about the big milestones of your life and of my life, and those memories are so precious, but just as precious are the day to day things of life. The way you holler "Hello" every morning when we open the door to your room, the way you can't resist giggling when we sing "itsy bitsy spider", hearing your little shuffle down the hallway, the way you blow kisses, how you cuddle and pet Kimbo, how you say "oh my gosh" but it sounds like " oh my god" and makes your grandma think that we are heathens.
Ironically, thinking about the day to day jewels of life, I remember a deeper truth that someone once told me. In 2006, right after I came home to Tulsa from Brooklyn, I was so frustrated by not being on the "front lines of ministry" so to speak. Not being in the ghettos with the people who have almost no hope, no peace, no Jesus was almost unbearable. I felt that I had to get out and do something BIG for the Kingdom or I would almost certainly explode. I thought about going back to NYC, moving to Colorado, teaching at a bible school in Fiji, anything to get out of the day to day in stupid Tulsa, OK. I was venting these frustrations to a pastor at Guts Church named Dave Dowler, and he told me one of the more significant truths of my life to that point. He said (at least this is how i remember it) "Josh, God doesn't need more people willing to go to the front lines and do the exciting, sexy work of the kingdom, he needs people who can navigate the doldrums, the day to day monotony of life, with excellence, with courage, with excitement and focus". It's kind of like what Ricky Hernandez Corbett taught me, if you don't have the hard times, you'll never appreciate the good ones. If you can't find joy and satisfaction in the doldrums, then the exciting stuff will become the addiction of choice to make you feel alive and engaged with life. The only problem with that is that no one can live every day on the front lines, doing the exciting sexy stuff. There's simply not enough of that to go around.
The world needs dads who love to tuck their kids into bed and sing them a song every night. The world needs moms to take joy and pride in lasagna night. The world needs young men who can attack the worlds problems with all of their idealism and zeal, but with great consistency of character and effort. The problem with this need is that its next to impossible to sustain through the disappointments and disillusionment that life throws in your face. I have realized the further I get into the counseling field is that people need hope, maybe more than anything besides food, water and sleep. Hope that today won't be the last good day, hope that not every day will hurt this bad, hope that someone will love me as much as i love them, hope that things can change, just hope there is reason to hope. But as a 29 year old, husband, father, pastor, counselor, I become more and more convinced that there is just no true hope outside of Jesus.
Who knows where you'll be on your journey through life when you read this, but I want to challenge you to take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame (who follow you and look to you for strength) will not fall but become strong (Hebrews 12:12). Day by day, step by step, rep by rep you have what it takes to navigate the doldrums with grace, strength, courage, tenacity, enthusiasm and excellence. Anyone can summon the courage to fight in the midst of the fierce battle, but it takes a real man to summon the courage each day to live with character and integrity in the face of the silent sneaky foe of apathy. You are a real man, I can tell at 16 months. Its my great honor in life to attempt to reflect the Father's love for you. I love you son.
Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment