Doldrums

Hey Bear-Man-

So yesterday I was asked to edit a letter or something at the church for someone, and I just decided to rewrite it. It got me thinking about how much i enjoy writing, regardless of what it's about. I was talking to your mom about it, and she told me that i ought to write to you more often. I was thinking about why I haven't written you that often and i think its because I feel this pressure to have some grandiose deep truth to reveal to you or something in these letters, which i simply don't have all that often, especially in this season of life. In my ideal world, i have at least one night per week to sit and stare up at the stars, laying on a blanket, contemplating the deeper things of the universe and of God, the stuff beyond diapers and homework and counseling and sermons and such. But after a while I realized that while our culture values the grandiose gestures and the big shiny stuff of life, its the day to day consistency that is truly precious. I think about the big milestones of your life and of my life, and those memories are so precious, but just as precious are the day to day things of life. The way you holler "Hello" every morning when we open the door to your room, the way you can't resist giggling when we sing "itsy bitsy spider", hearing your little shuffle down the hallway, the way you blow kisses, how you cuddle and pet Kimbo, how you say "oh my gosh" but it sounds like " oh my god" and makes your grandma think that we are heathens. 

Ironically, thinking about the day to day jewels of life, I remember a deeper truth that someone once told me. In 2006, right after I came home to Tulsa from Brooklyn, I was so frustrated by not being on the "front lines of ministry" so to speak. Not being in the ghettos with the people who have almost no hope, no peace, no Jesus was almost unbearable. I felt that I had to get out and do something BIG for the Kingdom or I would almost certainly explode. I thought about going back to NYC, moving to Colorado, teaching at a bible school in Fiji, anything to get out of the day to day in stupid Tulsa, OK.  I was venting these frustrations to a pastor at Guts Church named Dave Dowler, and he told me one of the more significant truths of my life to that point. He said (at least this is how i remember it) "Josh, God doesn't need more people willing to go to the front lines and do the exciting, sexy work of the kingdom, he needs people who can navigate the doldrums, the day to day monotony of life, with excellence, with courage, with excitement and focus". It's kind of like what Ricky Hernandez Corbett taught me, if you don't have the hard times, you'll never appreciate the good ones. If you can't find joy and satisfaction in the doldrums, then the exciting stuff will become the addiction of choice to make you feel alive and engaged with life. The only problem with that is that no one can live every day on the front lines, doing the exciting sexy stuff. There's simply not enough of that to go around. 

The world needs dads who love to tuck their kids into bed and sing them a song every night. The world needs moms to take joy and pride in lasagna night. The world needs young men who can attack the worlds problems with all of their idealism and zeal, but with great consistency of character and effort. The problem with this need is that its next to impossible to sustain through the disappointments and disillusionment that life throws in your face. I have realized the further I get into the counseling field is that people need hope, maybe more than anything besides food, water and sleep. Hope that today won't be the last good day, hope that not every day will hurt this bad, hope that someone will love me as much as i love them, hope that things can change, just hope there is reason to hope. But as a 29 year old, husband, father, pastor, counselor, I become more and more convinced that there is just no true hope outside of Jesus. 

Who knows where you'll be on your journey through life  when you read this, but I want to challenge you to take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame (who follow you and look to you for strength) will not fall but become strong (Hebrews 12:12). Day by day, step by step, rep by rep you have what it takes to navigate the doldrums with grace, strength, courage, tenacity, enthusiasm and excellence. Anyone can summon the courage to fight in the midst of the fierce battle, but it takes a real man to summon the courage each day to live with character and integrity in the face of the silent sneaky foe of apathy. You are a real man, I can tell at 16 months. Its my great honor in life to attempt to reflect the Father's love for you. I love you son. 

Dad

Hope and Value

Hey son, 

So this past week, the three of us spent some time in Colorado, maybe my favorite place in the U.S. and we spent a good amount of time talking, because its a pretty long drive. I'm sure we'll make that drive a few times in your life. But while we were talking, I started to get pretty impassioned, talking about the two actions that I think are the most important things in my life right now. We were talking about being a pastor and what that means and how it translates into counseling and the two things that came up are things that two men have taught me in the last few weeks. Daniel McIntosh says that the role of a pastor is to orient and reorient people around hope. This is incredibly profound, because there are so many hard situations that you and I and everyone else will face, so many questions left unanswered. People often feel the need to offer some sort of explanation for why hard things happen. The problem lies in the fact that the last thing a person needs in their time of pain or trouble is someone's half-ass, desperate grasp at some logical reason for their suppering. This simply won't cut it. The only appropriate thing that I can think of is to simply be with someone, to reach out and let them know that they are not alone. As a pastor, as a Christian, as a friend, you are representing hope for a better day. When we are alone, we feel powerless, hopeless, weak. When we have a friend, there is hope, there is strength, there is tomorrow. There is no higher honor I can think of than to point someone towards hope, towards the dawn of new days. There will certainly be difficult times in life,  but Proverbs 24:16 says for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. I strongly suspect that the righteous man has a righteous friend standing by his side offering a strong arm of hope. what an honor to be that friend. 

This next lesson was taught to me by a man named Jett Stubbs. He is an elder in the church, a mechanic who owns his own shop, and good good man. I played baseball with his son in highschool, but never met him until last year. I recently asked him the two most important things about being a man. He said they were honor and respect, which both come from the idea of value. Value comes from the purchaser. If someone is selling something for $10 but noone is willing to pay more than $5, then that objects value is really only $5. The value is determined by the one willing to pay the price. So if Father really did pay the price of his only Son for your soul and mine and everyone else's, then our value is determined by Him, and nothing else. Value comes from the buyer. Right now, the culture in America is so rampantly trying to impose value based on appearance, productivity, wealth and whatever else you can think of, that if you aren't sexy, talented and rich, you're pretty much worthless. This sucks for most people, because most people won't make the cut. So while the fabulous few push everyone else down to exalt themselves, people allow them to, because maybe they believe that they really don't have a choice, they really don't have any value. This is where I get really fired up. Because how amazing is it to look someone in the eye who's been broken down, despised and forgotten and say by words, but most importantly actions "you matter, you are worth something, you are valuable". Oh man! we get to add value to people's lives. we get to stand up and show people by offering them respect, by honoring them, that they matter to Almighty God and to us. 

I feel like i've done a really poor job typing this out, maybe because its late at night, but i know this is a lesson you will hear many many times from your dear old dad, because I love you and because it matters. Offer hope and value to those who have none, and you will make a difference in the world. you will be the flicker of light in a sea of darkness. May you live these truths every day of your life. 

I love you with my whole heart son. 

Dad

Time flies

Hey dude-


You're sleeping right now, and today happens to be the 100th birthday of my Grand Les. He's been gone for 15 or 16 years now, and I was really never all that close to him, but I remember hanging out with him a little bit, and I remember his funeral. Anyways, the family put together a blog to share stories and pictures of him, and I got in a bit of a sentimental mood. I pulled out this old walking stick that I bought a few years ago at Silver Dollar City that I have started to etch marks and words that remind me of memories and stories of God's faithfulness in my life. I can't believe that you're over 8 months old now. You have your bottom two teeth in, which was a big deal. Your mom and I stayed up with you through the night as your teeth cut through your gums. You were miserable, but we got through. There's a truth in there I think. Hard times will come, but they will also go. Pain doesn't last forever, but you will have pain. 


I think about how hard it is when you are up in the middle of the night, screaming because you're gums hurt or something else is wrong and we can't figure it out. Sometimes I get so mad that I growl, or stomp around, or cuss. It never actually helps, and I feel awful afterwards. What kind of person get's mad at a baby. But this is the truth, hard times will come and they will pass. How we respond in the middle of the pain, in the middle of the chaos, doesn't necessarily determine wether the trial will pass or not, but it does show us a little bit about ourselves. Cussing at you when you're crying at 3am shows me I can be very selfish, that when I'm out of control and can't do anything to help, I feel frustrated and helpless. I feel small. When I respond with love and compassion, I feel like a father, when I respond with frustration, I feel like a child. Its a process though, we all grow from these trials, if we have the sense to think about them and examine our lives. 


But I digress. Deuteronomy 4:9-“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.. God wanted his people to remember the pain, remember the triumph, remember his faithfulness and remember their faithlessness. Not in a way that would continue to heap guilt or condemnation, but in the way that would keep them from taking his blessings for granted. When I forget how lonely I was, and how much I desired to love and care for a child, that's when I get into places of selfishness or anger with you and your mom. That's why its important to remember, so that we take the good and bad from yesterday with us into tomorrow. So when hard times come and it feels like we are in the cold dead empty night, we can remember that the warmth of the sun will always shine through if we don't lose hope. And when we are basking in the light of the noon day sun, we won't ever take it for granted, but soak it up and store some hope away for a rainy day. I'm soaking right now, looking at you, so that when you're a punk 16 yr old who thinks you know everything and that I'm an idiot, I'll remember the way you look at me and grin with your two bottom teeth, sitting in your high chair, sucking on a bottle with your milk soaked chin, grinning at me with your squinty eyes and I'll remember that deep down you do love me, faults and all, simply because I'm your dad. 
Love you boy, 

Dad