The Lake

My Sons-

Well, a tremendous amount of life has happened since I last wrote to you. It's 2 days before Thanksgiving 2016. I'm sitting in my office at Calo in Lake Ozark, MO where I've worked for the past 6 months. Three years ago, I sat in a Career Counseling class and wrote down my dream job. I wrote about working in a beautiful setting doing residential treatment w/ a team that I could collaborate w/. I wrote about doing work w/ families. I wrote about having some pressure but not too much and doing long term, intensive work, not just the typical hour per week sort. 2.5 years ago, I found out about Calo after a colleague had interviewed here. I applied and was offered the job but turned it down because it wasn't enough money we thought. The dream was still there though. I left excited about the future as I drove back to Tulsa w/ almost 3 year old Bear and 1 month old Boss in the back. I went back to Tulsa w/ a knowing that I had to leave my job at Believers Church and focus on being home and being a husband and dad as much as possible. 8 months after that, Calo called me and offered me the job again, but then pulled the offer because I wasn't licensed yet. Another log on the fire, keeping the dream burning in my heart. The week after I received my official license to counsel professionally, I reached out to Calo. As I write this, I'm sitting in that dream.

Bear, this morning I dropped you off at Dogwood Elementary. We walked through the lunchroom so you could grab some cereal for breakfast. As you do most every morning, you grabbed the 1% milk, a spork and the cereal of the day. Apple Jacks today. But as you do every morning, you skipped the graham crackers and the fruit and grabbed the juice cup. You're reading better than anyone in your grade. You're super social. Today we had to wait for your amiga Alejandra so you could walk together. All sorts of kids call you by name when we walk in every morning. Earlier this year, you got an award and a medal from your teacher for being Proactive and doing what you know is right. You're so driven and your success is truly your own.  You follow the rules and expectations like a roadmap to the Promised Land. You're teacher told us a few weeks ago that she thinks that you're "exceptional" and will be recommending you for the gifted program at the end of the year. I'm most proud of you when you are flexible though, because I know that it's hard to deviate from the plan in your head. You're A LOT like your mom in that way. We play Uno in the evenings after your brothers are in bed, and you're still sleeping in our bed. I love it when you snuggle your whole body into the curve of my back. I don't like it when you sprawl out and hog the covers. You're super sweet w/ Boone and sometimes struggle to include Boss. You and Boss are very different people. I pray that you grow to appreciate those differences and develop a deep and lasting friendship. If that's not the case on down the road when you read this, then get over yourself and make it happen.

Boss, you bring me such great joy. 2 1/2 year old Boss is like a force of nature. Watching you is like watching a grizzly in the wild fishing for salmon. You are wild and untamed and pure of heart. You talk so much more now than you did before we had your adenoids removed and tubes put in your ears. No ear infections anymore either. You sleep like a machine, 12 hours straight, every night. No muss, no fuss as long as you have your "binket". You still have a scar on your right cheek from Rocket the boxer pup who found a new home a few days after you got that scar. It was equal parts him biting you and you constantly picking him up by the face/leg/ear. Maybe one day we'll have a dog. You love to do "the hotdog dance" from Mickey Mouse Ahouse". You consistently ask for "sobydink" and "wogurt". I most love when I walk in the door from work and am greeted w/ a running, screaming "DADDY" and huge hug. I don't like the only 5 second window between when your mom cleans up toys and you get them out again. You love doing whatever Bear is doing, much to his annoyance and you're super sweet w/ Boone.  I'm so excited to see what kind of boy-teen-man you become.

Boone Ransom, aka Boone the Spoon. Man, what a joy you are. You just turned 1 last month and your first few steps last week. You might be the most efficient baby communicator of the three. We never have a problem knowing what you want/need. It may also just be that your mom and I have really honed our parenting skills over the past 5 years. Sorry Bear, we probably made the most mistakes w/ you. Boone, you're always good for a smile, and you're the kind of cute that knows that you're cute, which is trouble. You crawl around the house w/ a spoon in your hand 75% of the time and you loooooove the boobie. Our special time together is when you let me feed you half of my oatmeal and yogurt in the mornings. I also really enjoy the look of panic in your eyes when I start walking towards your room w/ you at bedtime, because you definitely don't want or need to go to bed, even though you fall asleep within 30 seconds. I'm really excited to get to know you more and more and watch as you discover this wonderful world.

Your mom likes it here I think. She definitely misses the friends that she made in Tulsa and the church that we went to. But I feel so strongly that we made the right choice. So much of life in Tulsa revolves around doing. People find so much worth in what activity their kids do, what school they go to. It's just a lot of pressure. In Tulsa, I couldn't leave the house without running into someone I knew, but everyone was always so busy and spread out that you never could really do life together. Our hope in moving to the Lake is that we can slow down and enjoy each other. That I can do work that I love, that you can play in the yard and have adventures in the woods. That mom and I can have space to paint the canvas of your childhood with quality time and adventure. That you could have a life outside of tv and video games and sports and all the things that people try to fill themselves up with to try to feel full. I hope that we can connect w/ nature in a way that leads us closer to the Lord. I hope that we can kayak and hunt and fish and golf and do whatever we want but in a way that gives us life.

We bought a huge house with 3.5 acres so that you three can have room to grow into the mighty men you've been created to be. We hope that it is big enough. We hope that we are strong and patient and wise enough. I hope that I get to be here long enough. It's just a week and 3 years ago that my dad died at the age of 64. I cry almost every time I think about getting that old, because I want to be for you guys what my dad couldn't be for me. That's why I'm writing these things to you. I want you to have a glimpse of my headspace at this point. It will be 30 years before you can maybe understand, and I've realized that time is just one more thing that I can't control, so I write while I can.

 I love you boys with my whole heart.

Dad

My Sons

My sons-

For the rest of my days, this is how I will call to you, my children. Three boys, three strong men. Men of courage, compassion and wisdom. Men who stand and fight for truth and justice, who love with their whole hearts and who fear God. 

A friend of ours came up to your mom the other day and told her that she believed that God was giving us three sons because the world is in desperate need of godly men. This could not be more true. Every day, I work with the broken, the hurting, the hopeless. But none of us is born this way. We are born with endless potential. They say that ignorance is bliss, that it is better to not know what you don't know. The more you live life, the more you will know pain and suffering, because that is the truth of life. Life is tragically beautiful. We experience joy and sadness both. This will always be the case. 

I was mowing the yard today and I happened to glimpse the neighbor a few houses down doing the same. I thought, how silly we must look, walking in a line, pushing this machine that cuts the grass that begins to grow back the second it is cut, then turning and walking another line. How silly to manicure and tame that which cannot be tamed. Continuously working to control that which will always seek to be wild. Then I thought, well isn't this what we do with cutting our hair and eating and sleeping? Isn't everything in our lives an exercise in futility, like hamsters on a wheel, or soccer moms on a treadmill? Isn't everything we do just an attempt to make ourselves more appealing to each other so that we don't have to be alone? We strive and scrape and claw to be enough, to be ok. This is an eternal hole, one that only Jesus can fill. Mental health and spirituality are my fields of work. Both are about seeking to find rest. I'm here to tell you boys. Jesus is our only rest. That's it. 

I love you boys. 
Dad