Hey son, it seems like its been a really really long time since I sat down to write to you. A lot has been going on around here lately. I'm halfway through the Hellmester (semester from Hell). I've been working at Tulsa Boys Home 20 hrs a week, working at the church 25 hrs a week, and taking 15 graduate hours of class, not to mention reading, writing papers and trying to love your momma and take care of 21 month old you. This was a particularly rough week. Your mom is going through a stressful, tough time at work, feeling forgotten and unvalued which combined with our yard being torn up from the city replacing sewer lines, leaving the dog inside all day to make messes, and not getting any time to herself is a bad life plan. So yesterday, I you and I went out to Nani and Papi's house to take the dog to stay with them for a couple of months until things slow down around here.
That was tough for me, because its my job to take care of the dog, and I haven't been able to do it well, which messes with my inadequacy wounds and all my control issues. SO yesterday was tough, the past couple of months have been tough, and I haven't had a chance to spend time with you, which I don't like. So that's the backdrop for this story...
So at about 7:30p, I picked you up to put you to bed for the night. I was wearing a hoodie with long strings and you didn't really seem very sleepy. I've been singing you a song lately, just to help you calm down before we say prayers. I was singing you one of my favorites, 'Your Song' by Garth Brooks. I had just finished the first verse and the chorus when you grabbed one of the strings from my hoodie and stuck it in my mouth. We had been playing that game earlier, and so I spit it out and made a funny face as is the custom. You proceeded to laugh your marvelous laugh, which is part sunshine, part unicorn sparkle (coincidentally your cry is part thunder, part banshee cry, part wherewolf howl), and I started to laugh too. When I laughed you laughed more and when you laughed I laughed more. It built to a joyful crescendo leaving my beard soaked with happy tears. For about 5 minutes we just laughed and laughed. I needed that 5 minutes so much. It seemed to be a Holy Spirit joy of the Lord kind of moment that cut through the cloud of 'meh' and set things right in my heart. I just thought you should know.
Bear John Carroll bringing smiles since 5-26-11.
Love you son,
