You're sleeping right now, and today happens to be the 100th birthday of my Grand Les. He's been gone for 15 or 16 years now, and I was really never all that close to him, but I remember hanging out with him a little bit, and I remember his funeral. Anyways, the family put together a blog to share stories and pictures of him, and I got in a bit of a sentimental mood. I pulled out this old walking stick that I bought a few years ago at Silver Dollar City that I have started to etch marks and words that remind me of memories and stories of God's faithfulness in my life. I can't believe that you're over 8 months old now. You have your bottom two teeth in, which was a big deal. Your mom and I stayed up with you through the night as your teeth cut through your gums. You were miserable, but we got through. There's a truth in there I think. Hard times will come, but they will also go. Pain doesn't last forever, but you will have pain.
I think about how hard it is when you are up in the middle of the night, screaming because you're gums hurt or something else is wrong and we can't figure it out. Sometimes I get so mad that I growl, or stomp around, or cuss. It never actually helps, and I feel awful afterwards. What kind of person get's mad at a baby. But this is the truth, hard times will come and they will pass. How we respond in the middle of the pain, in the middle of the chaos, doesn't necessarily determine wether the trial will pass or not, but it does show us a little bit about ourselves. Cussing at you when you're crying at 3am shows me I can be very selfish, that when I'm out of control and can't do anything to help, I feel frustrated and helpless. I feel small. When I respond with love and compassion, I feel like a father, when I respond with frustration, I feel like a child. Its a process though, we all grow from these trials, if we have the sense to think about them and examine our lives.
But I digress. Deuteronomy 4:9-“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.. God wanted his people to remember the pain, remember the triumph, remember his faithfulness and remember their faithlessness. Not in a way that would continue to heap guilt or condemnation, but in the way that would keep them from taking his blessings for granted. When I forget how lonely I was, and how much I desired to love and care for a child, that's when I get into places of selfishness or anger with you and your mom. That's why its important to remember, so that we take the good and bad from yesterday with us into tomorrow. So when hard times come and it feels like we are in the cold dead empty night, we can remember that the warmth of the sun will always shine through if we don't lose hope. And when we are basking in the light of the noon day sun, we won't ever take it for granted, but soak it up and store some hope away for a rainy day. I'm soaking right now, looking at you, so that when you're a punk 16 yr old who thinks you know everything and that I'm an idiot, I'll remember the way you look at me and grin with your two bottom teeth, sitting in your high chair, sucking on a bottle with your milk soaked chin, grinning at me with your squinty eyes and I'll remember that deep down you do love me, faults and all, simply because I'm your dad.
Love you boy,
